October 24, 2007 by Charles King.

Whats the point of anything? I don’t know anymore. I begin to fear that I am more traumatized by transition into civilian life than I wanted to admit. I can’t do it anymore - I just…

Bah who gives a damn anyway.

This will likely be my last bloody blog post for a very very long time if not ever. Since I am the only one who reads it I am the only one who gives a damn.

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September 23, 2007 by Charles King.

I have a month left of unemployment compensation.. and then I don’t know what the hell I am going to do. I have applied for over 30 jobs and gotten jack shit in response - I don’t count the one call back I got regarding doing work I can’t do (it required lots of commute and I don’t have a car). This is getting damn ridiculous, I am at my wits end and I don’t know what the hell is gonna happen. I don’t even know if there is a way to extend my unemployment benefits or not - I have met the requirements of the Unemployment Board and went to the meeting/class they held; I am in a category ‘at risk’ for not becoming employed again before benefits run out - and I am seeing that day coming closer and closer. I will end up in a shelter if this keeps up.

I am going to apply for a coffee house job, as well as any other job there may be.. but I have lost hope that anything good will come out of it. Come the end of October I could very well be put out on the streets. I am so damn frustrated, I don’t know if I can keep this up.

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September 14, 2007 by Charles King.

So its September now, going on 6 months since I got fired and I still haven’t found a new job. I got a call yesterday from the local newspaper about my Resume, but it was for an outside sales position - which I don’t have a car to use for [well I have a car but its not on the road]. The lady was nice and said she would forward my resume over to the Classifieds people for an inside sales position, but I am not holding my breath - the only luck I have lately is bad luck. I also got a letter saying that my Electric bill was too far past due, so I have to find another $100.00+ (on top of the $200.00 I just sent in) to get that paid off, meaning I am likely going to have to sacrifice internet access in order to get everything paid.

Just great eh? Normally it wouldn’t be a problem to sacrifice internet, but my phone runs through my internet so when it goes out so does my telephone - meaning anyone calling about a job (rare as that chance may be) will just get my voice mail. It is all seriously starting to get to me even more on a daily basis.

I also have been getting lazy again, I haven’t exercised much beyond what I did a few weeks ago - and the apartment is starting to get dirty again. My motivation is just shot all to hell, and I am not sure what to do about it anymore; Hell, I know no one reads this blog but sometimes I just think I need someone to talk to, and yet there is no one there. I haven’t been able to get into updating my personal website, I haven’t gotten the motivation to keep working on some software projects I have going, and I haven’t gotten around to some other stuff I had in the running - whats the use I keep asking myself.

I have to call the Unemployment people soon to see if I have to re-submit my claim for the 6 month mark (coming up next month) or not; technically I have 12 months of benefits, but they said something about only getting 6 months when I went to an orientation thingy a few months ago - since it appears I won’t have a job before the 6 month period is up I will have to make sure the benefits continue, or wind up on the street.

To top all of this crap off - I am lonely as hell. I wake up each day alone, I go to bed each night alone, and there seems to be no end to that particular situation either. I guess I am just the type of person that women would rather be friends with; I don’t have the money to go out ‘clubbing’, nor do I like the idea of money being the keystone of any relationship - but thats what it seems is the norm lately in this society.

Oh Well; I am tired all of the time now, I rarely have a full week of good sleep, and I just can’t get the motivation to go on anymore. I feel like I am going crazy day by day and nothing will stop the eventual decline into nothingness - I already am a nobody socially, one more step and I will just be a nobody.

Well - enough for now. To the invisible readers (most likely just myself) have a good day.

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August 18, 2007 by Charles King.

It is quite chilly today, and due to be very chilly tonight (they are talking about the 40’s for a low tonight). Gah!

Anyway, I sort of slipped back into my old ways of being lazy and not getting anything done - at least I recognized it for what it is. I hope that leads to me being able to keep my mind on track.

Now onto random thoughts:

I watched the CNET Live Video Podcast for the first time today, and I have to say that they seriously need to get some people who know what they are talking about to answer the phone calls. Some pretty simple tech problems are presented to them and they come up with some crazy solutions that are either not necessary, or so far from what is needed that it will cause needless hassle and frustration for the end user. It is pretty sad, CNET is normally spot on with things but the CNET Live podcast is below mediocre in my eyes. I unsubscribed after watching 40 minutes worth (a whole episode + part of another) - it just isn’t that good.

Other news across the net: Nothing really. I probably could talk about various things but I just can’t think of anything to write right now. I do suggest that people who like cooking take a look at Bravo TV’s show Top Chef - it is a very good cooking competition show (normally I hate Reality TV type things, but this is good).

Thats all for now.

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August 2, 2007 by Charles King.

Well, I started excercising again today. It has definitely been way too long since I have done this before - about 40 minutes into the routine I am already feeling beaten. I expect that this will change as time goes on, I think I am going to put myself into a more intense approach to excercise. Why? Well, I downloaded the Navy PRT requirements today and saw how far away from them I was for my age group.

Yeah, I am seriously thinking of returning more and more each day - especially as the replies to my resume just aren’t appearing. I am in my weight class for my age & height (well, a little below I believe - I need to be @ 175 and my last weight measurement was ~168).

I have it set in my mind and just have to go through with the follow up - that will be the hardest part.

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August 1, 2007 by Charles King.

Well last night my secondary hard drive decided to bite the dust :/ Figures. All of my documents & games were stored / installed on that particular drive - and I, of course, haven’t made a full backup as of yet. Now all of the software code I was working on is in limbo until I find a way to retrieve the data, and all of my personal documents and my music collection are lost.

This really makes the week go well.

Ah well - I won’t update for a while probably because of nerves.

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July 30, 2007 by Charles King.

Yep, no sleep yet again. I went to bed around 11:30 last night and haven’t been able to drop off to sleep. It is now after 6am and I still don’t feel the sleep in me.

Bah - at least I got a few things done rather than just lazing in bed; I wrote a few checks for bills and put together 2 more resume letters for job openings. I hope I actually hear something back for a change.

Well, very short post but I have to hope I can get some Z’s soon.

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July 29, 2007 by Charles King.

So today is miserable outside, bloody rain. Sometimes I wish I could take a huge bat to the New England Weather and just beat some sense into it. Other than that, things are ok - I am working on my personal website doing some backend updates to allow for security and some minor changes to how things work. I am also going to work on getting the news posts looking right, right now they look kind of funky.

I also did quite a bit of (unrewarding) research into signing software applications so that Windows (XP SP2 & Vista) will know who the publisher is of my custom apps (and won’t display that ‘Unknown Publisher’ warning when installing). The problem is that, while I can find plenty of information advising people to do this, I cannot figure out a way to get it done. I don’t have the cash to spend on a CA certificate from the big places (like Verisign) and MS seems to have taken down the tools uses to sign installers from their website (I searched their site forever). It is bloody frustrating because I want people to have some sense of security when installing my software knowing that the program is certified. I am going to keep that idea on the backburner and for now will use MD5 checksums of the files to verify their legitimacy.

Other than that not much is going on, just another day in CT.

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July 28, 2007 by Charles King.

Well I managed to get 90% of the cleaning and sorting done in the apartment; I have a bunch of trash to get rid of next trash day but the apartment is livable now and I wouldn’t be embarrassed to bring a guest up. I got all of my dishes done finally too and the kitchen is looking much better, all that is left is scrubbing the shower and then doing the tile floors - once I get a hold of a vacuum cleaner I can vacuum my rugs properly too (brooms work only so well).

I was supposed to go shopping for some food today but I forgot to remind my transportation about it and didn’t end up going. So now my fridge is looking more threadbare than ever; I have a total of 2 chicken pieces, 2 frozen bowls of leftover stew, a pack of frozen ribs (light on the meat :/), some Mayo, and some Onions. Dry wise all I have left is some Tofu based Ramen (straight from Japan). I need to get out there and get some food.

Well, not much else going on - I have spent most of the time lately taking care of the apartment cleaning and such. I am about to go spend some money I shouldn’t spend on some quick eat food type stuff so that I can at least feel satisfied.

So far things are going well, my sleep is still bumpy (I got 4 hours last night, went to bed at 10 and woke up at 2am without a hope of getting back to sleep).

Thats all for now.

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July 27, 2007 by Charles King.

Though I doubt anyone really reads this, I thought I would start blogging again on this site. Why? Well, I have come to a decision that I seriously need to make some changes in my life. Lots has changed in the past few months, mainly for the worse - heres a brief rundown:

1) I got fired

2) I went into decline

3) I became a damn slob

Yeah, pretty basic and quick rundown but true. After getting fired I was fine for a little bit, but then I started going into decline. Dishes weren’t getting done, housework was piling up, and I was generally lazy about everything. Things started piling up and then stress from looking at mounting debts and lack of income (No one can feasibly live on the $198.00 / week I get as unemployment - not nowadays at least and not in CT) caused me to sorta shutdown.

I stopped doing things that gave me enjoyment, I started having problems sleeping and things just got out of hand. I would sit in front of the computer for hours and not get anything accomplished - much less finding a new job. I used to be able to play some games (an MMO in that mix) that would give me fun - the MMO would allow me to connect to people and I enjoyed the group I played with; lately I haven’t done any of that and I have suffered for it though.

This whole thing has been unhealthy for me really - you would think that being unemployed I would spend tons of time goofing off or relaxing.. not the case for me; I did not play the MMO (or other games) as much as I did when employed (nil now) and I just kept getting lazier and lazier about things.

I decided that enough was enough though - I don’t know what brought it about, but today I started a heavy duty cleaning and it feels damn good. I am happier than I have been for a while and once I get that part sorted out I will start with the excercise thing and the eating better thing (though the lack of funds makes getting food difficult - I have lost quite a bit of weight since becoming unemployed, some of it good though because I am in/around my target weight range now).

I hope I can keep this trend up, if I can start feeling good about myself then things should sort of click in place. I hope at least.

This blog is to be one part of my transportation into a new me - I hope to use it as sort of a progress chart for myself and force myself to post regularly with different crap. If I can keep this up then maybe I can keep up the other good changes in my life.

Thats all for now.

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